political affairs
by publius gluteus maximus
Summary: alexander hamilton and thomas jefferson fight for the affections of one james madison. meanwhile, the constitutional convention is not all what it seems


POLITICAL AFFAIRS

"tom ur so hawt I like you better than alexander" said james Madison. "you don't think alex is bad $$ he shot a guy I think" said tomas. James Madison replied "yeah but he's no country bumpkin and ur a gr9 dancer" omg I know right said tomas sign my declaration of independence demanded james "Y U KNO BREAK UP WITH ALEX U DIRTY SLUTBAG" whispered tomas "he wants me" screamed Madison "I WANT YOU TOOOOOOOO" whined tomas Jefferson "I less than three you so much I would conquer the world for you" said tom. James "I'll do whatever you want tonite for Louisiana" said james "are u implying that you want me to purchase my real estate" questioned tomas? "isn't it illegal" "not yet" said james cr33pily.

The next morning

"tomas! Get ova here yo $$ is gr $$ and I wanna mow it" hollerd james Madison. "tomas? Who's tomas? Thomas?" questioned the strange man in bed. The man turned around "ALEXANDER HAMILTON?!"!?" "in the flesh babay, or did you forget last night?" "damn" thought Jamie "how much tea did I drink last night" "good morning baby" said Jamie out loud to alex "I want you to spread it all over my body like you're gonna tar and feather a loyalist babay" said alexander. "spread what?" asked Jamie "freedom" said the exotic man from somewhere in the middle of the ocean somewhere. "there's no time. We better get going" said james Madison nervously "round two?" asked alex "no the constitutional convention" said james

The constitutional convention

"I LIKE MAN BUTTS!" screamed George Washington. The room fell silent. "Martha?" questioned some dude. "now that I have you attention, we can start." The soldiers locked the doors and closed the windows. "There's no way out now men." "where's tomas?" whispered james to some other irrelevant dude "france" "france! Oh noes" maddiesahn was so worried for tomas becuz he was in franz Ferdinand RED THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN BLACK THE DARK OF AGES PAST RED THE COLOR OF DESIRE BLACK THE COLOR OF DISPAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I DREAMED A oh wait that wasn't until later just kidding but Jamie still wanted tomas but he had Hamilton which was pretty good cuz he's a smexy man beast who goes big or goes home hence big government and also in bed tambien.

Everyone started talking about the government and james started writing and writing and writing and writing. That was his job. But SUDDENLY EVERYTHING GOT DARK AND STUFF. What is happening now james Madison thought. Next thing he knew Edmund Randolph was- WAHT WAHT IS HE DOING HE'S JOHN HANCOCKING WILLIAM PATTERSON and WHAT WAS THIS ROGER SHERMAN WAS GETTING IN ON THE ACTION!? Great compromise indeed

Meanwhile alexander was talking to James Madison. Hey bby wanna smush said alexander. I mean big business he continued. "You're a national bank and I wanna deposit" whispered alexander to james Madison. It sure sounded intriguing. Everyone was hot for alexander Hamilton he's so hawt omg and also kind of foreign. He decided to succumb to his advances.

THE REAL WAR

Tomas heard that alex wash shacking it up wit Madison while he was in franz. NO HOW COULD HE DO THIS OHNONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NONONONONONO. HE IS MINE. He went to alexander's house. Alexander opened the door "what are you doing here you country bumpkin" Jefferson said in a suspiciously computerized voice. They had a dance battle. Luckily Jefferson was really good at twerking so he won. YOU STOLE MY MAN yelled Jefferson. Next thing he knew the dance battle became a fanwar "ONE DIRECTION IS THE BEST BOY BAND IN THE LAST 50 YEARS HARRY IS SO SOSOSOSOSO HOT AND COOL AND SEXY AND THEIR TATOOS TOTALLY MAKE SENSE" yelled Hamilton who for some reason really lved team GB maybe its because tom daley is the hottest diver ever and also he's 18 scandy scandy. Jefferson really liked france but all they have there is les mis and their cast is from the UK so that doesn't work out. But one person kind of did if you didn't think about it. JUSTING BIEBER IS SO MUCH COOOOOLER.. Jefferson figured it would be cool cause there are French people in canadia right? Baby baby baby chillin by the fire where we eatin fondue yum yum yum sang Jefferson NEXT THING EITHER OF THEM KNEW THEY WERE IN AN ACTUAL WAR. JOHNNY GET YOUR GUN GET YOUR GUN GET YOUR GUN TAKE IT ON THE RUN ON THE RUN ON THE RUN OVER THERE OVER THERE. Alexander and tomas got their guns and had a duel and tomas won not aaron burr who the us govt put in space as the first man on mars and he's the damn fool that shot him

And tomas and james lived democratic-republicanly after

_Fin. _


End file.
